Lately I’ve been listening to the audio book Desperate by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae. In it, they talk about sitting down with your spouse and deciding what kind of family culture you want to have. Just like any goals in life, they advocate if you don’t set the goals for what you want your family to look like, ten years from now you may find yourself just trudging through and find you never did any of those things with your family you wanted to do.

So when Matt and I went on our date night a few weeks ago, we talked about it.

Clarkson and Mae write, “Plan what kind of family you want to be. Determine for yourself what you hope to be the outcome for your family. What legacies do you want to leave for your children?”

We talked about teaching our girls to love Jesus and be loving to everyone they meet, and have servant’s hearts. To show hospitality, and be dependable.

Adventure, and being outside are important to us. We want them to experience different places and ways people live and gorgeous scenery.

We want them to be immersed in culture–we want them to be well read, able to carry on intelligent conversation, love music, and value a wide range of art and aesthetics. We enjoy cooking and good food, and want them to appreciate a perfectly cooked steak well as a pbj.

We want to teach them to be comfortable and themselves in any situation–whether camping in the backwoods or hanging out with friends or dining at a restaurant with 3 Michelin stars or attending a Presidential inauguration.

We want our home and our family to be FUN, that our girls feel like home is the best place in the world.

We want them to value experience over possessions. To be lifelong learners. To be kind and generous.

These are a few of the things we talked about. Yes, you might be thinking well DUH, doesn’t everyone want that for their kids? and yes, maybe there are a lot of overlapping themes. But the point is we sat down, talked about it, wrote it down, and started to come up with action plans on how to incorporate each of these things into our family culture.

We’ve made it a point to try to sit down to dinner together–which is a lot easier now that Matt is done with his MBA! We try…but it isn’t always successful…

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This is Kenna giving me her rice noodles. And dropping them on the floor.

And this is Tatum making letters and shapes out of the noodles. I guess I should be happy she’s learning?

The girls started off sitting together on the bench. Then they fought over raisins and when Tatum tried to get off the bench she somehow fell over and all I saw were two feet flying in the air. Matt and I hadn’t even sat down yet when she was asking to be excused. Neither girl ate much, the baby was fussy, and Tatum was grumpy but we slogged through.

Last weekend we bought dollar water guns and a kiddie pool and had a water fight in the front yard, then washed the car while the baby slept. Fun definitely got checked that day!

On Saturday it was Oklahoma Free Fishing day where you didn’t need a fishing license, so Matt took Tatum to Lake Arcadia and they had a daddy daughter date learning to cast and reel. They spotted a beach that looked fun, so yesterday (Sunday) we loaded everyone up after nap, grabbed dinner and went to the lake. Kenna had quite the ensemble…

Matt was a very happy daddy…

This picture is a bit deceiving as when I went to nurse Bennett she had a complete meltdown for about 10 minutes…until I put her in the sling and she passed out! She spent most of her time in there with me while Matt wrangled the big girls.

We’ve been making a concentrated effort to develop our family culture. There’s been tears and bad attitudes and things that didn’t seem but be a success, but we’re committed to doing them.

So I thought I’d share our efforts to develop what “The Palmers” look like. This month, before it gets too hot, I’ve been pushing for an overnight camping trip. With three kids 4 and under? Crazy? Maybe. But Tatum did inform me yesterday, “I am an expert at peeing behind trees” so at least we have that going for us!

If you’re a mama, I highly recommend the book Desperate. I’ve been taking my time going through it…usually while grocery shopping at night after the girls are in bed or while walking around the track at the Y. If you’ve never tried Audible, your first book is free and if you give me your email I’m happy to send this one to you!

So I’m curious–what do you want your family to look like ten years from now?

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3 thoughts on “Shaping Our Family Culture 

  1. One of my favorite comments of all time was Amanda’s Maddie describing our family as “Wild, Welcoming, Fun, and Fierce!” You’ll have your own creeds that you and Matt with construct with God’s help. My two favorite are still, “Live Pure, Speak Truth, Right Wrong, Serve the King,” and, “Love the People, Tell the Story.” Love you baby girl, Pop.

    Liked by 1 person

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